First time in therapy? Some things to consider...

There are two therapists that come to mind when I consider my first experiences in therapy over 30 years now. The first time was a referral to a counseling center which included a training for interns and trainees. Ultimately, I was looking for a few sessions to help with a tough relationship decision and ended up being assigned to a soon-to-be licensed therapist. I don't have a favorable memory of this experience though this has not deterred me from referring people to counseling centers when appropriate. I was after all, trained in counseling centers myself and can personally attest to the sophistication and skill of the supervisors I was trained under.

But this first experience was memorable in two particular ways; he chewed gum during our sessions and answered phone calls. When he picked up a call, he would swivel around in his chair so his back was to me while he talked on the phone. The conversations were never long but I was paying for the time and I recall feeling unimportant as I looked at the back of his head. I was young and given it was my first experience, I was unsure as to whether these kinds of things were common or not. Well, they are not. Receiving or sending texts or glancing quickly at the phone just to see who is texting or calling, may be indications that your therapist's presence is a bit lacking. Snacking, glancing at the clock moments into the session or too often throughout or even rocking back and forth in a chair may be similarly indicative. Ultimately, my therapist did validate some concerns I was having which helped me in my decision-making, but I left this first experience feeling confused.

My second experience in therapy was much more favorable and lasted for nearly a year and a half. Sheila was referred to me by a friend. She was capable of recognizing and summing up my feelings in short, succinct sentences that enabled me to feel truly known and understood. I began to tell more of my story and share things I had never talked about before. She seemed to grasp how I was feeling even though I was unable to put my feelings into words. She helped me learn how to do that. I felt safe. I could be real and that was something I needed as part of my healing; to feel safe and understood, no matter how messy, painful or complicated.